How to cope on Mother’s Day after loss
Mother’s Day is a time for us all to celebrate our Mums – but, what happens when they are no longer here? The day itself is a painful reminder of your loss, and quite often the build-up can be worse thanks to Mother’s Day reminder Emails, gushy Facebook statuses and so on.
Here are some things you might want to think about when dealing with Mother’s Day after a significant loss.
Go easy on your social media usage
All over social media, there will be posts, photos and quotes that might ‘trigger’ you. Although you shouldn’t feel as though you must steer clear of socials, it might be worth taking a break from them. While grieving, it is so important to learn what is good for us and what could be torturous. If you know something is going to upset you, try to avoid it.
However, it is important to remember that posting your own photos and statuses is fine and might even ease your heart a little. Perhaps write a Facebook status the night before, ready to upload on the day.
You can still celebrate
Just because someone isn’t physically here anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t still celebrate them. Going to their favourite places, looking at old photos or just lighting a candle in their honour are just several things you could do to celebrate their life – remember; someone’s existence doesn’t cease when they pass away, their memory lives on with you and celebrating this fact can be a really releasing act.
Talk to your friends
On Mother’s Day especially, talking to your friends might be really difficult; they might have their own Mums to think about. But they are your friends. They would rather know you can talk to them, rather than keep everything bottled up. Most of your friends are only a text away, so maybe mention to them how much you’re going to struggle on the upcoming holidays - you never know, they might offer some friendly advice or comfort.
Declutter your email inbox
Many companies don’t take grief into account when they are sending out their monthly, weekly, or even daily emails. Many still post Mother’s Day ‘reminders,’ without taking this into consideration.
Thankfully, a lot of companies are now offering ‘opt out’ emails before events such as Mother’s Day – make use of these! Avoid unnecessary heartbreak closer to the day by decluttering your inbox of painful reminders.
Although Mother’s Day might be a painful reminder that you’ve experienced loss, it can also be an opportunity for you to truly ‘feel’ your grief. Lots of us spend our time trying to feel ‘better,’ but unfortunately, grief comes in waves. To sit with our feelings and realise what we have been through might actually help us to process our grief. No matter what you decide to do on Mothering Sunday, be kind to yourself; nobody expected this journey to be easy – so don’t be too hard on yourself if you are struggling.
By Rebecca Thomas